Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Full moon on the deck at the farm

Last night I re-watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  It made me realize that with the
heartache I've had over a few men in my life that I am still happy for the memories.  Those memories make me laugh, smile, frown and cry. But that's what living is about.  I'm looking forward to making more crazy-ass memories this summer.

It's been one year as of July 4th that Coco broke up with me.  One year of singleness.  One year of crying and missing and wondering.  Which is a long time for me, the longest in my adult life without some kind of longish term romance or boyfriend.  I think it's been helpful to help me know what I want in a partner and what I don't want. Also to remember that good friends are always more important in the long run.

I'm working and saving as much money as possible for my next adventure.  What ever and when ever that will be.  I know I'm not going to make it here in rainy cold Portland for another entire winter unless a miracle occurs. 

For those of you who are curious, Coco appears to be doing great!  He's back with his first true love and their 10 year old son living in Puerto Jimenez, camping, surfing and being a dad and hopefully a good partner appreciating what he has.

The Big Island Packs Heat

Not only am I packing within 26 hours of leaving, I'm also blogging.  

18 days in Hawaii and what to pack!?  Everything is going in my backpack and can't be in full extension mode to fit in the overhead.

For starters a tent (thank you christine)
A yoga mat ( I will be sleeping on it and using it for yoga!)
Sleeping sack, very small silk and costs a days pay!

Yoga clothes for the week long yoga retreat here http://www.kalani.com/ 
Hiking clothes for the Hawaii Volcanoes National Park http://www.nps.gov/havo/index.htm
and some beach and around town clothes.  I hear nothing fancy is needed in Hawaii so that's a plus.

I'm still debating on my water shoes. My snorkel gear was destroyed somehow in the travels of the Grand Caymans, which is good since I wont have room for it.

I have packed 18 pairs of underwear with the intention of finally throwing out the ones I hate when I'm done.  Plus I hate washing undies on the road.

I'm about finish loading.  Weighing and then unloading, removing, loading and weighing again.  All while finishing up my chores around the house so my roommate doesn't kill me. 

UPDATE:  10:25pm.  22lbs backpack this includes 10 larabars, 10 vitamin c powder packs, doesn't include purse, book, liquids, camera, headlamp, batteries and a few other small items.  Not too shabby considering the tent and yoga mat.  I still have more items then I'll probably wear but...
In fact the more I think about it the more I want to start over again!   :)

The Big Island

what my living room looked like yesterday

I'm escaping again.  I have a lot of expectations on one hand, and none on the other.  There are few unplanned days left open for the interesting and strange things that seems to gravitate toward me. It's a
short trip for me, only 18 days.

Off to the big island of Hawaii.  Flying into Kona, camping, exploring and then a week long yoga retreat on the Hilo side. 

I'm actually 2 weeks behind on my packing and repacking.  I'm hopeful that I've learned a bit about tropical weather living and packing thanks to Costa Rica.  But I'm feeling the crunch of time!

Better get to it!   Selecting a tent and yoga mat that fits in my back back along with my other necessities has been a slight challenge. Sleeping on the yoga mat with my sarong as a blanket may also be a challenge! haha


 

There are Memories, and there are MEMORIES.

This blog is full of MEMORIES.  Hilarious, crazyass, laugh inducing and crying fit leading memories. 
And just in rereading a couple of these I am happy to have lived that crazyass time.  I may suffer some consequences but no one can accuse me of not living.  At least then.  :) 

Live it up people, we only have one chance to do it.  At least that we are aware of when it's happening!

Now, where's that rum bottle.  haha Just kidding!  ;)

A quickie

At this point, I'm pretty certain the only person reading these blogs is my grandma, which is fine.  Maybe my mom as she has to print them for my gram! :)

Anyway, a couple weeks back, I broke off communication with Coco.  There were multiple reasons. But it was still difficult and I still think of him many times throughout my day.  It was great to hear all the things I wanted to hear, and to see that he is doing ok.  Or at least ok for him.  I'm still day dreaming about Costa Rica, the animals, the heat, the ocean and my friends. 

I guess I don't have much more to say about it.

Can You Spare Any Change?

I can. But not the silver jingly kind.  Change.  Change is the only constant, They say.  Someday I want to meet They. I wonder if They will be a man or a woman? Maybe They is a man and a woman, or a panel of people.

I know things change.  Sometimes change takes longer than I'd wish.  Sometimes change happens at a time I don't appreciate.  Sometimes the changes I think I want are not really whats best for me.  Sometimes change happens in a blink of an eye, sometimes you only think something has changed.  Or maybe you have changed and didn't notice.

Something has changed, a shift in thought, a shift of my heart, a shift in my head.  I'm not sure exactly.  I wonder if this change is good or bad.  I'm not even sure what the change is but I know it's there.  And I'm not sure what to do with this. 

6 months ago I would have jumped right back on a plane to Costa Rica at the drop of a hat.  4 months ago I would have done the same thing.  Probably, truth be told, I would have done it a month ago.  But now I don't think I can.  As I type that I feel very uncomfortable.  It's as if I'm turning my back on something, someone.  But I don't know if that is the case. It's just complicated in my head.  75% of me wants to, no questions asked.  But then what?

It's funny to hear everything you've ever wanted to hear out of someones mouth, and have it send red flags.  or it could be as Coco said, I'm scared to go back to Costa Rica.  Scared of love? Probably.  Amongst the crazy.

So I'm still trying to focus on art, the next step is deciding how to go forward with this house and my future employment options.  Giving myself distance from Coco, giving him distance from me.