At this point, I'm pretty certain the only person reading these blogs is my grandma, which is fine. Maybe my mom as she has to print them for my gram! :)
Anyway, a couple weeks back, I broke off communication with Coco. There were multiple reasons. But it was still difficult and I still think of him many times throughout my day. It was great to hear all the things I wanted to hear, and to see that he is doing ok. Or at least ok for him. I'm still day dreaming about Costa Rica, the animals, the heat, the ocean and my friends.
I guess I don't have much more to say about it.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Can You Spare Any Change?
I can. But not the silver jingly kind. Change. Change is the only constant, They say. Someday I want to meet They. I wonder if They will be a man or a woman? Maybe They is a man and a woman, or a panel of people.
I know things change. Sometimes change takes longer than I'd wish. Sometimes change happens at a time I don't appreciate. Sometimes the changes I think I want are not really whats best for me. Sometimes change happens in a blink of an eye, sometimes you only think something has changed. Or maybe you have changed and didn't notice.
Something has changed, a shift in thought, a shift of my heart, a shift in my head. I'm not sure exactly. I wonder if this change is good or bad. I'm not even sure what the change is but I know it's there. And I'm not sure what to do with this.
6 months ago I would have jumped right back on a plane to Costa Rica at the drop of a hat. 4 months ago I would have done the same thing. Probably, truth be told, I would have done it a month ago. But now I don't think I can. As I type that I feel very uncomfortable. It's as if I'm turning my back on something, someone. But I don't know if that is the case. It's just complicated in my head. 75% of me wants to, no questions asked. But then what?
It's funny to hear everything you've ever wanted to hear out of someones mouth, and have it send red flags. or it could be as Coco said, I'm scared to go back to Costa Rica. Scared of love? Probably. Amongst the crazy.
So I'm still trying to focus on art, the next step is deciding how to go forward with this house and my future employment options. Giving myself distance from Coco, giving him distance from me.
I know things change. Sometimes change takes longer than I'd wish. Sometimes change happens at a time I don't appreciate. Sometimes the changes I think I want are not really whats best for me. Sometimes change happens in a blink of an eye, sometimes you only think something has changed. Or maybe you have changed and didn't notice.
Something has changed, a shift in thought, a shift of my heart, a shift in my head. I'm not sure exactly. I wonder if this change is good or bad. I'm not even sure what the change is but I know it's there. And I'm not sure what to do with this.
6 months ago I would have jumped right back on a plane to Costa Rica at the drop of a hat. 4 months ago I would have done the same thing. Probably, truth be told, I would have done it a month ago. But now I don't think I can. As I type that I feel very uncomfortable. It's as if I'm turning my back on something, someone. But I don't know if that is the case. It's just complicated in my head. 75% of me wants to, no questions asked. But then what?
It's funny to hear everything you've ever wanted to hear out of someones mouth, and have it send red flags. or it could be as Coco said, I'm scared to go back to Costa Rica. Scared of love? Probably. Amongst the crazy.
So I'm still trying to focus on art, the next step is deciding how to go forward with this house and my future employment options. Giving myself distance from Coco, giving him distance from me.
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