Strange Days Indeed

I'd like to be able to say "Nobody told me there'd be days like these"  but I'm pretty sure they have.  This last week has been interesting to say the least. I've realized that I am in no way shape or form in a place in my life to meet new people or make new friends.  I met someone who was interesting to talk to at a Spanish meeting up thinger.  He was from Peru.  He was interested in my art so I gave him a card.  He emailed me, and although his emails could have been considered flirty I tried to think of it as someone to practice Spanish/English with and maybe a new friend.  Nothing wrong with that.  Well, nothing until I started feeling very uncomfortable with the amount of compliments and the personal questions.  Now, I know asking someone get to know you questions is normal. VERY normal.  But I don't really enjoy talking that much and to have someone I don't know inquire about personal things just felt like too much.  It's bad enough talking about things with people I love and people that know my back story.  I just don't have the mental energy for new friends I guess.  So I had to be a dick and very clearly state that I was not looking for anything other than a casual friend to speak Spanish with.  That didn't go as well as I'd liked.  He took it as personal rejection, which pushed me even further away.  and then I felt bad and tried to explain but that only made things worse.

In other news.  I'm not sure I mentioned this.  Coco is back with baby's mama and the second baby was born Oct. 5th.  Nicolas a boy.  Baby mama finally saw some photos I posted on facebook in March and apparently freaked out.  Commented on them, rude comments toward Coco.  Coco re-blocking me on facebook, blah blah blah. Drama. Drama. Drama.  I'm so thankful they are in another country.  I'm also thankful the universe took this problem out of my hands, now if I could just remove it from my heart.

Job interview.  200 other applicants.  Strange party.  Roommate leaving.  Sick cat. Crying breakdown during yoga.  And these are just the highlights. 

Ah, what a strange and wonderful life to lead.  As I mentioned earlier, life is sort of exciting when you start to see these crazy things as part of a wonderfully illustrated and written story.  Sure beats sitting in a cubical all day.

Flashing Like a Curser on a Blank Page, Not Like a Drunk Woman at a Drag Show.

Staring at the blank screen with the cursor blinking is a strange metaphor for my life right now.  I know that there are things I want to write, just as I know there are things I want to do.  I just don't know for sure what or how.

The last few weeks have been filled with many strange occurrences.  See some, but not all, details in next post. But know these things are pushing me further from wanting to live a normal life.  And maybe I've always known that a normal life isn't for me.  Maybe a temporary normal as a means to an end, maybe.

My life is mostly a blank screen right now.  The only certain things I am responsible for are my kitties and my iphone.  haha  But really the kitties are my only concern about doing anything drastic, like selling what's left and heading south or west to a cheap country to teach English.  I guess having an open for interpretation life is pretty exciting, and maybe I haven't really thought about it that way before.  I'm not as tired to the trappings of this life as some (this life = cars, houses, clothes, things, jobs, status etc.) but there are definitely times when I feel down about my current status.  Embarrassed that the wine I bring to dinner is a $4.40 bottle of Rex Goliath 2001 "47 Pound Rooster".  Which in my opinion gets the job done and has an amazing label.  But according to some it's only good for sangria. If that. But thankful that I have friends who love me and $4.40 for that bottle. 

So as usually life really is about what you make of it.  About the choices and how you react to those choices.  And it's so helpful to think of it as a 'choose your own adventure'.  Even the sad, crazy, and terrible things that life can hand us, help us grow and help us appreciate the good times.  Realizing that it all becomes this great story at the end helps too.  I mean really, would I want to sit in a nursing home some day and not have any funny terrible stories to tell?  I doubt it.  My friends would be bored.  :)  I don't plan on being bored or boring even in the nursing home.  

And in the words of William and many others before taking that amazing first drink of beer on an equally amazing hot Costa Rican day "Salud, Amor y Dinero!"

I thought.

Sometimes I do think, but not often.  In fact, one of my best life skills is not thinking.  Ignoring, temporarily forgetting, burying deeply and pretending things are fine, those are my specialties.  Terrible skills to have. Although I know they serve a purpose, but using these skills for years makes for a really expensive therapy tab.

So I'm trying to work through my current emotions about Costa Rica and all that happened there.  All that has happened since my return. It gets really confusing at times.  Knowing what was real and what wasn't.  And maybe the truth doesn't matter, and I'll probably never know the entire truth.  The reality is I need to learn and move on.  Without distraction and crutches that are soooo easy to fall into. 

I never intended for this blog to become a relationship whining blog, and it won't be this way forever.  My Jungle life adventure will evolve into something else and so will this blog.  I plan to travel and explore and live an adventurous life again.  It may not be in a real jungle with deadly snakes and food foraging, it may only be here in Portland.  But I know my life will be an adventure again.  I mean, it is anyway, really.  I'm an outlier, unemployed, making do, selling some art, sitting some pets and creative financing.  I just need to heal, rest, recharge and eventually redirect.