Take a Step Back to Wednesday!

April 11^th 2012

Today was a day off from school.  I woke up to torrential downing pouring rain, great, so much for the beach today.  I was planning on heading to the beach with the other woman teacher at the school.  So instead I had breaky then ran some errands.  There is a new veggie fruit place in town.  It’s great!  Fresh everything and sooooo much cheaper than the grocery stores.  I was pleasantly surprised to know someone who works there!  Then I finished cleaning the new to us fridge.  It was sooo filthily that Coco was shocked and disgusted that we plugged it in before we cleaned it.  I’ll spare you the graphic words he used.  We didn’t clean it first because we wanted to make sure it actually worked first.  It’s working like a champ now!  Hello cold cucumber water!  

After my chores I rode over and met my friend.  We went to the bar at the beach to chill, talk, I had a beer, she wrote and basically we got out of the house.  We realized while discussing important issues that we are both taking in our surrounding and easily distracted!  Phrases like "look at those cutter ant working away" "wow this tree is beautiful!"  "That's the most beautiful bird I've ever seen!"  Interrupted our serious talk of life. and made us crack up laughing.  Laughter really is the best medicine!  We finished it off with pizza and laughing at inappropriate things.  Laughing at and about men and wondering how we can get to Cuba from here!  Nice to think about!  If I stay here till June I will need to do a boarder run to renew my tourist visa.  Most likely I’ll be headed back to Panama for a long weekend.   Panama is cheaper and the amenities are better than CR.  I’ll be loading up on salt and lemon peanuts.  And maybe some shorts that fit.  And some new undies.  Hand washing and line drying actually seems pretty hard on clothes here.  Plus I don’t have that many clothes here so I’m wearing them over and over and often and again.  I hand wash one week and take my clothes to the laundry the next week.  The mundane here is interesting to me.  I’ve been away from home now 49 days 7 weeks.  The longest I’ve ever been away from home is 7 weeks.  It has gone by so quickly and is so different from my other trips abroad.  In some ways better, in someways worse. 

I skyped with my Thai kitty and Frank this weekend.  I miss them and the other but I still feel like there is nothing for me there.  I feel like I’m searching, trying to understand something or come to some conclusion about something.  I’m just not sure what that something is.  Maybe something in my heart.  Maybe something in my brain.  Both? Neither? I know that part of this trip was supposed to be about love, or the illusion of what love could mean to me.  I’ve lived a long time with walls up, at arm’s length and maybe I’m ready for that to change.  I wish I knew. 

Well, I Never!

All my life I've had a huge ass, not necessarily wide, but lots of junk in the trunk if you will.  up until recently.  I'm not sure what happened.  Age?  Lack of exercise? loss of weight?  It's terribly disturbing that I'm now a boarder line flat ass.  I don't fill out my shorts or my pants.  my once too small too tight underwear are sagging.  So today I went on a longer bike ride.  On the bumpiest, rockiest, gravelly road I've ever been on!  and up a couple of hills.  Mt. biking is fun, though I feel a bit jarred!  I'm not sure it will help my ass, but hopefully it will help something!  :)
My plan is for more biking and hiking!  Tomorrow I'm biking to the nice beach with my friend for some much needed sun and shell hunting!  Tonight is homemade nachos and pina coladas at another friends place! 

Wish you were here!

We Are Young

It's never going to be a good conversation when someone starts it by saying "don't take this the wrong way but..."

Last week Coco said that to me, then said, "wouldn't it have been fun if we'd had met when you were my age?"  Firstly if that were the case Coco would have been 12, so not ok.  Secondly, yes, Coco is 27.  Thirdly he clarified that what he really meant was that it would have been fun if I was 27 now.  After I thought about what he said, and why, I decided not to be hurt and replied "no, because by now we'd both be in costa rican jail".  haha  At least there are conjugal visits visits here. :)

Yes it would have been fun.  It's fun now.  Coco and I have a lot of fun together.  We laugh all the time, talk a lot, stay up way late and probably drink too much.  So just what the dr. ordered - Party like rock stars, cook, eat, bike, walk, talk, repeat.  :)

Don't worry, I've come up with a new plan of moderation! 


I heard this song tonight accidentally but it seems appropriate for the situation and this post.  

We Are Young

Give me a second I
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom
getting higher than the empire state
my lover she is waiting for me
just across the bar
My seat's been taken by some sunglasses
asking 'bout a scar
and I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you're trying to forget
but between the drinks and subtle things
the holes in my apologies
you know I'm trying hard to take it back
so if by the time the bar closes
and you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
than the sun

Tonight
we are young
so let's set the world on fire
we can burn brighter
than the sun

Now I know that I'm not
all that you got
I guess that I
I just thought maybe we could find a ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let's raise a toast
Cause I found someone to carry me home

Tonight
We are young
So let's the set the world on fire
we can burn brighter
than the sun

Tonight
We are young
so let's set the world on fire
we can burn brighter
than the sun

Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight
Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight

The moon is on my side
I have no reason to run
So will someone come and carry me home tonight
The angels never arrived
but I can hear the choir
so will someone come and carry me home

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
we can burn brighter
than the sun

Tonight
We are young
so let's set the world on fire
we can burn brighter
than the sun

So if by the time the bar closes
and you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home tonight

Just like Riding a Bicicleta

Last night I rode home side saddle in a skirt on the cross bar of my bike while Coco peddled.  A little scary but totally normal here.  Kids, babies, girl friends, boy friends, bikes here are for two people not one.  If you are small enough you ride on the rack, in the basket or the handle bars. 

Last week I rode my bike  with an umbrella open above me.  First time of many I'm sure.  Mountain biking with one hand on a rocky, bumpy, pot hole filled road in the rain at night with no light was interesting.  No helmets, no lights, and no signalling.  Pura Vida baby.  Which for some people doesn't mean "pure life" it means whatever, just live life and do what ever you want as if there are no consequences.

Last week I also stopped wearing my bra with certain tank tops.  I've lost enough weight that my boobs are small so the built in bra works just fine.  My clothes don't fit.  Thankfully most of my clothes are skirts and tank tops, pretty forgiving.

Today we finally got a new fridge.  Been without a working fridge since we've moved in to the house.  Yay cold beer!  and grocery store here I come.

Tonight was my first night co- teaching the adult night class.  As it turned out I had one beginner student so that worked out well.  We practiced basic questions and giving directions and following directions.  The student is 25 and works for the dentist in town.  She's also his girlfriend.  She has 4 cats and one dog.   The dentist has a vasectomy!  Yippee!  One smart man so far in all of Costa Rica! hahaha

Pura vida!

Who's life is this anyway?

This week I woke up feeling like I’ve been living someone else’s life.  It’s hard to put into words.  But I’m here in this foreign country living a life that really isn’t mine.  Eating food that isn’t “mine”, making friends, loving, hurting, and crying all about things that really have nothing to do with my real life at home.  My real life where I am unemployed and every month wonder if I’m going to make my house payment.  Every day wondering what I should be doing with myself.  Wondering what to do with my real life.  So instead of thinking about my real life I’m creating a temporary existence that might look like a real life but at times certainly doesn’t feel real.  

I’ve always been good at not thinking about things, ignoring issues, burying things deep and hoping they don’t resurface.  It’s not the healthiest way to be, and I’ve been working on changing it.  But for now I wonder is that what I’m doing here?  Hiding from my real life, from real decisions?  I honestly don’t know.  I came here to see if I could make a life with someone and that didn’t work out.  I stayed because I had nothing better to do.  I am planning on coming back mid May or June at the latest.  In time for Oregon summer, and we better have one.  I’m looking forward to camping with friends and seeing my family and kitties.  

I’ve been unemployed for about a year and a half now, and the time has flown by.  But I’m nowhere closer to knowing what to do with myself than I was a year ago.  I haven’t looked for jobs as aggressively as I could have but my guilt over this was mostly relieved because a good friend of mine has been without the success we’d like.  Everyday sending cover letters, resumes’, filling out applications etc etc.  She has a similar design background and has more experience in some areas than I do.  I have other skills and many more years of employment than she does.  But she hasn’t had any success in finding a job.  So my guilt is relieved.  At least temporarily.  

So what’s the point of this post?  I don’t know.  Just like most other things in my life right now, I just don’t know.  I’m trying to just live each day and enjoy it, the people I know, the food, and yes, maybe too much beer.  And maybe at times I’m still living the 20’s I didn’t get to live.  I’m living an adventure that many people will never have the chance to take.  And I’m thankful for all of it.  I can only make the best of it, do the best I can with what I have, help the people around me when I can and hope it’s all worth it in the end.  And, I guess, isn’t that what real life is about?

My Life in Photos

looking for the whale sharks, didn't find them

jenny petting baby cows

palm grove!

too much cervaza!

hitchhiking!  my first time! :)  made it there and back in one piece

backwash, matapolo

for nicole!

love love love the view

cosita!

white faced capuchine!  hello!

Just when you think...

things might be normal for a while.  Coco had his stitches removed yesterday and the doctor confirmed that he has lost his eye sight on the side of the stitches.  The dr. who originally stitched him up could have saved the sight but didn't fully examine him.  Coco didn't tell me that he couldn't see, only that things looked funny and I just assumed it was from the swelling and the stitches. The dr. told him eventually his eye will turn a funny color and possibly die?  but again, this is a clinic dr. in the middle of no where.  I feel very bad about this situation.  Coco doesn't have money to go to a big town with a real dr. and isn't taking this news very well.